No, I do NOT support the troops. Ever.

UPDATE: the comments got way out of control, so i turned them off. My girlfriend, emily, got this email from some old high school acquaintance a while back. When she showed it to me, I immediately wanted to write up an inline response, but have put it off until now. Sorry. I’m the bad guy.The text in bold is my response to each thing.Start email:

You hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes when the alarm goes off at 7:00.
He stays up for days on end.
No, I don’t. Time is a system of control.
You take a warm shower to help you wake up.
He goes days or weeks without running water.
Again, no I don’t. I wake up when my body feels like it has rested enough. Sometimes after a few hours, most times after more than a few. I shower rather infrequently, by choice. Our bodes have a way of finding equilibrium when we stop regularly subjecting them to things like soap.
You complain of a “headache”, and call in sick.
He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
That’s the risk that the emperor’s willing soldiers run. Maybe you shouldn’t go to places where people shoot at you. Especially if you’re carrying around guns and driving tanks through their neighborhoods. Maybe then they wouldn’t shoot at you. Oh yeah, and I don’t get headaches.
You put on your anti war/don’t support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.
He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
No, he doesn’t. If he were doing that, he wouldn’t be shooting people in Baghdad. No one in all of Iraq is telling me what I can’t wear. In fact, the only people who ever told me (and enforced it) what I couldn’t wear lived in Noblesville, IN. But in the larger sense, the people trying to tell others what they can/can’t wear live decidedly in United States. Maybe his AR-15 should be pointed more of their direction if he is indeed “fights for your right to wear that shirt.” Besides Freedom and ‘Rights’ can never be given only taken away.
You make sure you’re cell phone is in your pocket.
He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.
Sounds a lot like the crusades to me. I hope your little cross helps to stop the bullets flying your way.
You talk trash about your “buddies” that aren’t with you.
He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.
Maybe he shouldn’t have left them to go kill people in Empire’s war. Ever consider that? Hanging out with friends? Or killing people while constantly trying to not get killed myself? Gosh, that’s a tough one.
You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.
He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
Just look for the ‘anti war/don’t support the troops’ t-shirts.
You complain about how hot it is.
He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow in the three digit heat.
See above about not going to some place where people want to kill you and have the guns to do it. Dummy.
You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.
He doesn’t get to eat today.
That sounds like a bum wrap, man. Didn’t the nice recruiter tell you that in the Army of One commercials. Just find a food pack on the ground next to the armor boost and weapons special.
You have a maid to make your bed and wash your clothes.
He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
Seriously, who has a maid?
You go to the mall and get your hair redone.
He doesn’t have time to brush his teeth today.
Seriously, who goes to the mall to get their hair done? Take time out from kicking in one Iraqi family’s door a day and you too could brush your teeth. Or just quit being an Army of One, then you could brush your teeth to your heart’s content.
You are angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.
He is told he will be held over an extra 2 months.
School is just training us to be good workers as epitomized totally by being a good soldier doing ‘exactly what he is told’. (See below.) Again, didn’t your recruiter tell you about this as you were playing Halo together? No. That’s weird.
You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.
He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
Sounds like I got pretty good thing going for me, doesn’t it?
You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.
He holds his letter close and smells his love’s perfume.
See above.
You roll your eyes as a baby cries.
He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they’ll ever meet
Seriously, why are you thousands of miles away from you baby and wife/girlfriend if they’re so important to you? Do you think you baby understands the complex geo-politics of the Middle East? Or cares?
You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.
He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.
Apparently, he doesn’t remember ‘the innocent tortured and killed’ by his ‘own people’.
You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.
He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.
Man, it sounds like you don’t make the best of decisions. Why go to all this hassle just to dodge bombs?
You see only what the media wants you to see.
He sees the broken bodies lying around him.
I wonder why the media doesn’t want me to see ‘the broken bodies lying around’. Maybe it’s because fewer people would ‘support the war’ and even fewer than that would want to go fight it.
You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don’t.
He does exactly what he is told.
You know who else did exactly what they were told to do? Nazi gas chamber attendants. Blind obedience does not a virtuous person make.
You stay at home and watch TV.
He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
Would you rather being watching TV? Not me. I’d rather be outside, talking to my friends, sleeping and eating both sound better than TV to me. Seems like the two (wanting to watch TV and wanting to go to another country and kill people) go hand in hand. Like cops and cars.
You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.
He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gunfire.
See above about driving through neighborhoods in tanks.
You sit there and judge him, saying the world is probably a worse place because of men like him.
If only there were more men like him!
Ugh.

If you support your troops, re-send this to everyone you know. If it gets to another veteran who hasn’t received it yet, it will bring back memories.Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G.I.One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

End email:I’m not quite sure what a ‘defining force’ is, but let me get this straight. The American G.I. is on par with Jesus Christ? Gosh, man. Arrogant much? Maybe people with such a god complex shouldn’t have guns. I asked for neither one to die for me. I would appreciate if people wouldn’t equate dying for what they believe as dying for me. Especially when it involves killing before dying.Here is my solution. Every soldier who wants to die for my freedom, do that. Put a bullet in your own head instead of someone else’s.

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